August 19, 2023
North Head at the entrance to Sydney Harbour is a beautiful and haunting place and with its own micro climate it seems far more remote than it actually is, lying just a few kilometres from the centre of Sydney.
It’s a place I visit a lot… running or riding along the trails an through the historic buildings of North Fort and the old Quarantine Station.
Anyway, one day I was up there running in the rain and saw a damp and tattered piece of paper hanging from a tree by a bulldog clip. It was a print out of “Invictus”, a poem penned by William Ernest Henley back in 1875.
Now I don’t know who left it there, or why, but it now hangs beside my desk for me to see, and it gives me inspiration everyday in many aspects of my life.
An area that it often helps me with is fatherhood. And perhaps you may be able to take something from it too…
I’ll read it to you now and then I’ll run through some of my thoughts on how you may be able to draw strength from this poem as you face the challenges that may cross your path on your journey through dadlihood.
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
The word "invictus" itself means "unconquerable" in Latin, signifying the indomitable spirit that lies within each one of us. It’s perhaps best known for being the poem that Nelson Mandela used to recite to his fellow prisoners in Robben Island.
Many people think the poem is about war or social struggle. But it actually originated from a hospital bed. It’s about Henely’s battles with illness and everyday strife.
Henley was a poet, which is historically a tough way to earn a crust. He inspiration was his own struggle through tuberculosis, an amputated leg, and financial issues. One of his friends was Robert Louis Stevenson, author of Treasure Island, and he loosely based the character Long John Silver on his bearded mate Henley, who hobbled around on one leg and a crutch.
In "Invictus," he portrays a narrator who refuses to surrender to challenges and instead draws inspiration from them. Henley wrote Invictus before he became a father, but we can draw many lesson for being a dad from his words.
As a dad I’m sure you’re familiar with the juggling of of work, family, and personal responsibilities, trying to navigate the twists and turns of fatherhood. You’re probably not surprised to hear that around 75% of dads today struggle to feel balanced and in control of being a dad.
Through "Invictus," fathers can learn six valuable lessons that will empower them to conquer challenges and obstacles in their journey through fatherhood.
At the end of "Invictus," Henley declares, "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul."
For dads the lesson here is for us to recognise the importance of inner strength and staying true to our values and convictions even in difficult times.
If we want to apply that in a practical sense, it’s doing things like setting aside time to reflect and nurture our own well-being, whether through meditation, exercise, or pursuing hobbies that bring us joy and that help us to maintain a strong foundation for ourselves and our families.
Henley highlights the idea that no matter the circumstances, we can still rise above and persevere.
As dads we often face challenges and obstacles in our journey, but by embracing resilience, we can bounce back stronger.
How might we be able to develop a growth mindset and embrace failures as opportunities to learn and grow. Then use our own experiences to teach children to do the same, emphasising the importance of perseverance and coming back from setbacks.
The whole poem is about personal responsibility, especially that final line, "I am the captain of my soul."
As dads we take responsibility for our actions and choices i every aspect of our lives, and we should be aware of the impact that these actions may or may not have on our children.
It’s important for us to communicate openly and honestly with our children, admitting and learning from mistakes. By taking responsibility, we teach them the value of accountability and foster a sense of trust and respect.
Henley reminds us that even in the darkest moments, we can find the courage to face challenges head-on.
Fathers encountering difficult situations can draw on this lesson to navigate tough conversations, make tough decisions, and stand up for what is right.
This isn’t something that we need to tackle solo!
There are more and more groups for dads and specialised services that provide support and guidance. We can join a network of other fathers or find a mentor who can provide advice, share experiences and offer encouragement during challenging times.
"Invictus" is a masterclass in the importance of maintaining a positive mindset in the face of adversity.
As fathers we can apply this by adopting a positive outlook and modeling optimism for our kids, even in difficult situations.
You may find you get this from activities like writing a journal, focusing on the positives in your life and expressing gratitude to your children for their efforts and achievements. This can help to foster a positive and resilient mindset in both you and your children.
If that doesn’t sound like your thing, I encourage you just to give it a go… maybe even sit with your kids and work through what you are each grateful for at the end of each day. It’s a great way to to connect and discover the power of openly expressing feelings.
There’s little more inspiring than the indomitable spirit in the poem. That’s why it was one of Mandela’s favourite poems, inspiring not only him, but those with whom he shared it.
Now its said that our kids don't learn from us by listening to what we have to say. They learn by watching what we do.
So how can we make sure that we lead by example, be a role model for our children and inspe them to be the best versions of themselves?
Fatherhood today comes with a unique set of challenges and pressures. As dads we need to be providers, role models and a pillar of emotional support for our kids (and our partners).
In the face of challenges like financial constraints, relationship problems — with spouses or children — and work commitments, we need to embody the spirit of resilience and determination exemplified in Henley’s "Invictus." This can allow us to stay motivated in our role as a provider and actively present parent, in spite of the difficulties that we may face.
"Invictus" also reminds us that we have control over our own fate, and that with hard work, perseverance, and a positive mindset, we can triumph over any obstacle.
If you’d like to better connect with yourself, with your family and with the world around you, book yourself in for a fee-free chat to learn more about how we can work together.
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